It struck me, after reading the fifty gazillionth rumour that Barack Obama is the Muslim Antichrist, that what the internet needs now is…..The Amazing Obama Rumour Generator! This simple little process requires only a pen and paper and a 6-sided dice. There are three stages; at each one you roll the dice, note down the outcome and repeat until your Amazing Obama Rumour is fully formed. Right, let`s get to it.
The Amazing Obama Rumour Skeleton:
“Have y’all heard? – Obama is really (insert 1st diceroll outcome) from (2nd outcome) and he plans to (3rd outcome).”
1 – the 25th incarnation of the anti-Buddha
2 – a small dog called Colin
3 – Agazzerak, the mighty Muffin Demon
4 – Peter Mandelson
5 – the Phantom Rasberry-Blower of Old London Town
6 – a spy working for the intelligence service of the Republic of Kiribati
1 – Rigel 4
2 – the 8th nostril of Great Cthulhu
3 – Mary Poppins’ garden shed
4 – Dr Evil’s genetics laboratory
5 – the dreamtime of the Alaskan Muskox
6 – a future Earth, ruled by Dr Who fans
1 – make us eat our chads
2 – force us to watch 4 hours of Happy Days reruns every day!
3 – reign over us in an empire of the ants, bwah hah hah!
4 – convert the White House into a mega-motorhome and go on tour with Metallica
5 – hand over power to his diabolical friends, the Teletubbies
6 – enslave us with clean air, affordable healthcare and a working electoral system, the traitor!